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1). Gossip: What People Say About It  By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
We decided, at a reader’s request, to write about gossip and, along the way, to note what others have gossiped about it. We decided, at a reader’s request, to write about gossip and, along the way, to note what others have gossiped about it. What might one say under the influence of a confessional potion when asked, “Why do you always ...

2). Mr. Handyman  By : Gary Mosher
First thing Saturday morning I decided to fix the washing machine. This decision had not been reached lightly. The cold water pressure was weak so I had checked with two experts at work (i.e., they had both owned washing machines at one time or another) and determined that it was a sticky solenoid. I grabbed my toolbox and told my wife what I was p...

3). Update: Artic National Wildlife Refuge: Senate Rejects "Oil Drilling"; Approves "Oil Hunting."  By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Fueled by skyrocketing gasoline prices, the Senate once again took up debate on oil drilling in the Artic National Wildlife Refuge. The members were sharply split along party lines, with Democrats maintaining that the very idea of intruding on that pristine national treasure with oil rigs is an affront to every responsible American's ...

4). Iraqi Insurgents In Secret Talks; Admit May Be Fighting Wrong Enemy  By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Iraqi insurgent groups, in secret talks with resourcefully pacifying President Jalal Talabani, admitted they may have been fighting the wrong enemy. Upon hearing the admission, President Talibani slapped his forehead so hard he fell over backwards and was unconscious for approximately three days. Upon being resuscitated, he continued t...

5). Our Adobe Hacienda  By : Dianne James
When I was a teenager, my family moved to the largest alpine valley in the world, the San Luis Valley in southern Colorado, into a house that hadn't been inhabited for many years. What appeared to be an insurmountable task, reclaiming the living space in an adobe shack, while we cooked outside and pumped water from a hand-pump, slowly became a pass...

6). Senior Ticked For Walking Too Slow; Others Try Roller Skates  By : Tom AtteaNewsLaugh.com
An 82-year-old woman was recently issued a ticket in California for crossing a street too slowly. A police officer, who arrived on a motorcycle, told her she was obstructing traffic – and issued her a summons for $114. Responding to the uproar caused by the curious traffic ticket, the municipality has begun to wonder if it should work ...

7). Warning: This Article is a Waste of Time  By : Timothy Ward
Today's topic, ladies and gentleman, is: Time. We're going to talk about time today because I never seem to have enough of it. And I figure that if I dedicate a whole article to the subject of time and stress some of it's finer points, then perhaps Father Time will show his appreciation by granting me a few extra hours each day. This will allow me ...

8). In Response To Miniaturization, Human Hands Get Smaller  By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Scientists report that human hands, which must currently struggle with ever smaller keypads and buttons on high-tech paraphernalia, have begun to grow smaller. Unfortunately, the adaptation is not yet complete, and most human beings are still encumbered with normal-size hands. As a result, they must put up with a certain amount of infu...

9). America To Sue Rest Of World For Ungrateful Behavior  By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
America, which has sacrificed the lives of its citizens and its material plentitude more selflessly than any other nation in history to come to the assistance of other countries, noted the astonishingly heated negative commentary about it emanating from virtually every corner of the globe and has decided to sue the rest of the world on the grounds ...

10). Songwriter Confessions #1  By : Bill Dollar
Looking up this week from getting a reggae backing to sound like St Ann rather than St Felicity, I spotted the small dark mist in the usual corner behind the left monitor speaker. I have sometimes believed absolutely that this is my best muse, back from a pizza run to the outer starbelt. Or maybe just the golden ring around Uranus. Anyhoo...It seem...

11). U.S. Ends Oil Dependency; Turns B.S. Into Fuel  By : Tom Attea
While America is experiencing a gasoline shortage, the nation’s dependence on foreign oil is about to end. A researcher at The Department of Energy, from which breakthrough ideas emanate on a regular basis, noticed that Americans, along with most people who ever lived, have a virtually unlimited and renewable supply of B. S. He wondere...

12). Book Of Judas Finds Publisher; Record Wait Took 1700 Years  By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
The Book of Judas, penned by the much maligned apostle himself, has finally found a publisher, at the end of a long search that ended at The National Geographic Society. No, it’s not Random House or Knopf. But, hey, after a 1700-year wait, any publisher is bound to come as good news. Now, Judas can at long last be assured ...

13). Stop Needling Me!  By : Michael Breckenridge
Sometimes it's possible to accomplish something important by doing nothing at all. Well, actually, I did do something. I resisted. I think that counts. Here's my story. Many of my friends have been getting pierced and tattooed for years. It's huge. Every neighborhood has at least one bodypiercing/bodyart place. Seems like they outnumbe...

14). Our Baby: The Grape  By : Tom Coffee
My wife and I are only about six weeks into this pregnancy thing and we're still trying to wrap our heads around this whole idea of having a baby, though we have wildly different thoughts on the subject. I'm worried about whether or not we'll be able to handle the financial and moral responsibilities of bringing a child into the world. My wife is m...

15). Reading Tabloid Headlines At Supermarket Checkout Counters  By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Surely, one of the most underestimated trivial sources of amusement in America is the cursory perusal of tabloid headlines while waiting to be checked out at your favorite supermarket. Here we learn of the marital squabbles and birthing tribulations of young movie stars who have nothing more interesting about them than they happened to...

16). PCB's Help Fish Live Longer; Nobody Eats Them  By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
While the plenteous negative effects of PCB’s have been written about, we have a tad of redemptive news about those odious contaminators of our priceless waterways. Average fish longevity has increased markedly, simply because we’re all advised not to consume them. Or only to consume them in limited numbers. As a result, f...

17). Travel Jokes  By : Nomad Rick
Traveling can be a humbling experience, particularly when you travel to a foreign country. Such experiences, of course, give rise to travel jokes. Travel Jokes 1. Three brothers are sitting at the bar in a Moscow establishment. An older man is sitting at a table behind them and has obviously had too much vodka. He stands,...

18). Timothy Ward IS Hotter Than You  By : Timothy Ward
Inspiration for the articles I write does not always come instantly. That's why I spend hours upon hours each day surfing the internet and visiting various websites. This may sound like time wasted or goofing off but I assure you that I am working. While some writers find that long walks or exercise help them to invoke the muse, I've found that cru...

19). Canada In Secret Talks To Trade Quebec For Florida  By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
History does not record the existence of a single Canadian who has not wished his nation had a bit of tropical diversity. As chilliness North of Niagara would have it, Ottawa has had an ongoing freeze-on, freeze-off relationship with the relatively trendy Province of Quebec, that charming faux-French survival of the Sun King’s proud mi...

20). Bat Ejection Techniques – Country Survival Course #27  By : Nola L. Kelsey
People lie! They lie about the bliss of rural relocation. They lie about the size of fish they catch. They lie about being there for you. But, mostly, they lie about bats! Such a silly thing, yet no one can admit the ugly truth. “Bats only come into your house. It never happens to me,” friends say. Liars! Evidence to the contrary exist...

21). Chicken Rearing 101 – How Not to Raise Chickens  By : Nola L. Kelsey
Chick: A hatchling Capon: A castrated male used for meat. (How much could that yield?) Pullet: A female chicken under one year old. Hen: A female chicken over one year of age Rooster: A male chicken over one year of age. Raising Chickens for the first time can be intimidating. When ...

22). Adult Swim - You Must Be This High To Ride This Ride  By : Chad Koch
1. You Must Be This High To Ride This Ride 2. There’s No “P” In Pool 3. Harvey Birdman, Attorney At Law 4. Aqua Teen Hunger Force 5. Sealab 2021 6. Brak Show 7. English Channel Swim 8. Bobby G. Can’t Swim 1. You Must Be This High To Ride This Ride Adult Swim is a unique ki...

23). Viburnums: Shrubs with All Season Interest  By : b hirst
Viburnums: Shrubs with All Season Interest

24). Twelve Simple Rules for Sucking Less Than 'Eight Simple Rules'  By : Charlie Hatton
America is a country of sitcom watchers. We all like a nice chuckle now and again, but unfortunately the good shows are outnumbered, outgunned, overwhelmed, and often obliterated by the bad. In an effort to stem the tide of inane, sugary pap gushing down our satellite feeds, here are a dozen ways to improve the average -- and significa...

25). A Deep Look into Soap Operas  By : Randall Ulbricht
You have got to love soap operas. From the intricate plots and finely woven webs of deceit, to the depths of schemes, they were, are and always will be classics. They are timeless. I wrote this article as my take on them back in 1970 when filling white space for our high school paper. Watch a few soap operas for the next few days and see for yourse...

26). Surgeon General Uncertain About What Hospital To Check His Grandmother Into  By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
The Surgeon General, after reading the results of a recent report about the alarming number of fatalities in U. S. hospitals that are due to preventable human error, was uncertain about what hospital to check his grandmother into when he learned that she was suffering from shortness of breath. He decided the time had come from decisive...

27). The Superior Mind -- Man vs. Mouse  By : Gary Mosher
I’ve never thought of myself as a brave man, but it’s nice to know if you’ll be able to handle yourself in a dangerous situation. One morning on my drive to work such an occasion occurred. I was cruising down the road and singing off-key to the radio when I suddenly had the gut wrenching feeling that I wasn’t alone. I could sense the presence of ev...

28). Senior Ticketed For Walking Too Slow; Others Try Rollerskates  By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
An 82-year-old woman was recently issued a ticket in California for crossing a street too slowly. A police officer, who arrived on a motorcycle, told her she was obstructing traffic – and issued her a summons for $114. Responding to the uproar caused by the curious traffic ticket, the municipality has begun to wonder if it should work ...

29). When snail mail meant something  By : Jan Michaels
When snail mail meant something

30). Sit Back And Remember  By : Tyler
Why is it, that any holiday, time off, or event, someone is sick? Do they plan it that way? I was sitting today, pondering, reminissing, and it came to my attention that every function I have ever attended had at least one of my family members sitting with the sniffles. I was 7 years old. It was christmas time, and I was sick with my a...

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