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Questionnaire for Discovering our Lessons - part 1

By:Robert Elias Najemy

Choose a person and specific behavior that bothers you.

The specific behavior on the otherís behalf which bothers me and which I would like to analyze here is___________.
1. The emotions that I feel when the other behaves in this way or when I think of him or her behaving in this way are:
2. I feel this way because I have the following beliefs, which make feel that way:

These three first questions are designed to help us determine exactly what the stimulus, emotions and beliefs are which are bothering us. We must be careful that our answer concerning the first question is actually a behavior and not an interpretation of a behavior. That "the other does not love me" is not a behavior, it is an interpretation of some behavior. Those who are not familiar with the fundamentals of self-analysis, in which we learn to determine the stimulus, the emotions and the beliefs, will benefit from reading the book "The Psychology or Happiness".

Now the questionnaire moves forward to determine the possible aspects of our being which might be mirroring, resonating or projecting.

3. Have I ever behaved in this way towards this person or towards others in the past?
We are often annoyed by behaviors, which remind us of aspects of our own behavior that we do not accept or see in ourselves. Thus we need to confront it in others in order to have a stimulus to recognize it in ourselves and transform it.
In the case that we realize that, yes, in fact, we occasionally behave in this way our lesson could be:
a. To discover and transform the beliefs, habits and attachments which cause us to behave in that way.
b. To accept that behavior in ourselves.

4. Is there a part of myself which might fear something here? What do I fear here? And why do I fear that?
Any behavior which provokes fear in us will obviously be annoying. We might be tempted to create a list of reasons why the otherís behavior is unethical, unsociable and not proper, but more often the truth is that it annoys us because we fear that this behavior will have some negative consequences for us or those close to us.
We must remember that all negative feelings are born from fear and give this question serious thought, looking behind our anger, hurt, resentment, and jealously for the fear which is likely hiding there. The question goes on and on asking why we fear "that", again until we arrive at the basic fear which causes us to be annoyed by that behavior.
The lesson here might be to free ourselves from the beliefs which cause us to fear these behaviors. The root of these fears lie in our past experiences.

Note: Questions 3 and 4 uncover the vast majority of reflections and projections that create our reality. We attract and are annoyed by those behaviors that reflect our own behavior and that which we fear.

5. Is there a part of me that has learned to expect this behavior, which has come to believe that this is the way this person or others will behave?
People often behave towards us in ways that reflect our expectations. If we expect rejection or indifference, we will attract them by sympathetic resonance. The others are simply reflecting back to us our own beliefs and expectations.
Our lesson in such a case might be to free ourselves from the beliefs which cause us to expect these behaviors, and to adopt new beliefs which lead to more positive expectations.

6. Is there a part of me that believes that, for some reason, I deserve this behavior?
If a part of us subconsciously believes that we are not worthy and that we deserve to be treated in this way, then we will naturally attract this behavior. The others may even feel guilty that they are behaving to us in this way, while they are being pushed subconsciously in this direction by our own beliefs about ourselves (Of course they have the free will to overcome our pull in that direction).
Also we will perceive - project this reality even when t does not exist. For example we will perceive rejection, failure or danger where they are not.
Our lesson here is to learn to accept and love ourselves as we are and realize that we deserve each personís love, acceptance and respect - just as they deserve ours.

Article Source: http://www.redsofts.com/articles/

Robert E. Najemy, author of 25 books and life coach with 30 years of experience, has trained over 300 life coaches and now does so over the Internet. Become a life coach.
Over 600 free article and lectures at

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